Wednesday, 6 July 2011

Wednesday Review: Thunderpants

Well after all this time I figure it’s about time I review a movie I hate. Today’s feature: Thunderpants. “Thunderpants?” you say? Sounds oddly humorous. Well it’s not. But it was made, so maybe some idiots out there enjoy humour that requires zero brain power. Or maybe only people who are stoned out of their minds would find it funny. Either way, this film isn’t funny. Nor is it good in any other way. I once watched it and decided that I’d recommend to everyone NOT to watch it. And here’s why.
Thunderpants Title Card.
Allow me to sum up the plot in one paragraph. Patrick Smash (henceforth known as “Farting Kid”) is constantly farting. There is never a moment when he is not. This drives his father away from home and causes all people at school to hate him because he smells; everyone except Ron Weasley who is a super genius who can’t smell. So Ron Weasley invents Thunderpants, pants that absorb the smell. Then he decides to take the pants one step further and invents Thunderpants 2, a flying machine powered by Farting Kid’s farts. Then some guys in black suits take Ron away and Farting Kid travels the world with some opera dude to find him, only to end up accidentally killing someone with his farts, then being put on death row, then being hired by the USSC to fly Thunderpants 3 to a satellite with his farting, because those men in black suits where American governments agents who hired Ron Weasley to make a spaceship powered by farts. So Farting Kid farts his way up to the satellite, saves the people there, and lives out his dream of becoming an astronaut. The end. Yes, it may sound funny now. But I promise you, in a right state of mind, you will find almost nothing funny in this film.

Review after the break.

So the film starts off with Farting Kid’s mom giving birth to him. And clearly a doll shoots out of her and flies through the sky, that doll is supposed to be him.

Farting Kid is The Sandman!
So I guess Farting Kid’s farts are so powerful they cause his dad to be put into various casts?

So now Farting Kid has daddy issues because he farted him away. Does that not sound really stupid?

Farting Kid gets beat up by Goyle from Harry Potter all the time. I guess that guy just likes to play bullies.

One, why does every kid at that school wear a uniform except Farting Kid? Two, why is he dressed like the Sandman all the time?

The best thing about this movie is that Anna Popplewell is in it ... and she doesn’t even have any lines. She was so cute when she was a kid. It’s like, if I ever have a daughter, I want her to be as cute as Anna.

Isn't Anna just the cutest?
Why would he just sit outside Ron’s place for 24hours? Why not go home and have Ron call him when he finishes making Thunderpants? The kid’s stupid.

Man ... is every day the worst day of his life ... ever?

Why is it that there are no teachers on the playground to stop a school wide beating of Farting Kid?

Man, why is Farting Kid friends with Ron Weasley? He keeps shooting down all his hopes and dreams! I mean sure he can’t smell the farts, but would you really want someone who’s mean to you as a friend?


BAHA! I’m so glad that Farting Kid’s mother drinks her problems away. That’s so gonna help him with his problem.

So Farting Kid has two stomachs like a cow eh? Hmm...

Hey it’s Fudge from Harry Potter too! I forgot he was in this.

Now he has musical farts? Oh God ...
Here come the Men in Black.
Hey, Keira Knightley’s in this too! How can this film have such a good cast and SUCK SO MUCH?!

It must suck to always be introduced as the second best tenor in the world. I mean, you’re constantly reminded that there’s one guy, ONE GUY, that’s better than you.

Did no one test out those flying machines before the competition? Obviously they’re never going to work!

Why is the opera guy using binoculars to watch them fly the machine?! THEY'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!

Okay, I’m pretty sure that even if you don’t make it to the end of the course, you’re still gonna win because you’re the only ones who invented something that could actually fly.
Farting shockwave.

Okay, his fart just made a shockwave across an entire forest. I’ll admit, that’s impressive.

Okay ... is every day the best day of his life ... ever?

Why does everyone who lives in this town own the same kind of car?

There’s a lot of green in this movie. The colour of envy? Willpower? Nature? What’s it representing here?

Shouldn’t these kids be in school? Not out travelling the world farting music and inventing rocket ships?

If it’s a secret between you and Mr. John ... THEN WHY’D YOU JUST GO AND TELL HIS COMPETITION?!

That other singer dude has giant ears.

“Criminal mastermind” Patrick Smash? HA! That kid doesn’t have the brainpower to do much of anything, there’s no way he could be a criminal mastermind.
All the cars are the same ...

Hahaha. Stephen Fry. Nice!

Has anybody ever noticed how crooked Stephen Fry’s nose is?

Oh God ... even his jail uniform is the same green and black striped pattern.

So I guess England still has the death sentence for murderers ... even kids ...

Man ... this kid’s closet is like Doug’s closet ... everything in there is exactly the same. Remember that show Doug? That was an awesome show.

OH MAN! Are those Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans?! Of course they’re not ... they’re just normal jelly beans. Not impressed.

Kids?! Running the USSC? They would do that in this film.

So Farting Kid is just a tool then? So they saved him from being murdered, only to send him into space where he will most likely die? Yeah ... fun ... glad these guys don’t really care about his health and well being.

Farting kid used Flamethrower! It’s super effective!
Farting Kid, I choose you! Use Flamethrower!
I’m surprised his space suit doesn’t follow the same green and black striped style that everything else he wears does.

Of course we don’t see the president’s face ... but his voice makes him sound like a stereotypical Italian mobster.

Chain reaction. Explosion of the rocket. 79% chance. NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS!

I’m pretty sure Anna Popplewell never closes her mouth in this film.

Who’s Houston?

A thought just occurred to me. Why did they have to build a rocket ship powered by farts? Couldn’t they have just used a normal rocket ship?

At least the movie had a good moral to it.

Total times I found something funny: 3.

Well all in all, the movie was a flop. It had a good moral at the end, some good actors, but it completely failed as a comedy. I found myself bored of the film about halfway through it. There was nothing spectacular in the shots used, no interesting special effects, there wasn’t really a compelling story. This movie just utterly failed at pretty much everything it did. I could barely find something good to say about it. I recommend that you DON’T watch this film. Oh God it’s so horrible.

I’ll give this thing ... I dunno ... 3/10 or something ... no like 2/10 ... 2.5? Sure, let’s go with that. It was the worst day of my life ... ever.
Ron Weasley and Farting Kid. BFF's forever.

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